Wednesday, April 13, 2011's not a one time thing

Sorry it's been soooooo long since I've posted. It has been crazy hectic in the Carter household the last few weeks. We've had exciting injuries, birthdays, attempted break ins and mommy trying to stay sane in the process :) I will be posting about some of these things soon.

Honestly I wasn't planning on blogging tonight. Hubby is off, and I cherish my evenings when he is home. But tonight something interesting and unexpected happened. You see, while writing a birthday wish to my brother on facebook I ran into a familiar face. I saw his mom in his friends list. We are half siblings, our father being the same. His mom was my abuser for many years. A woman I have had to work VERY hard to forgive once I became a follower of Christ. I thought I had forgiven her. But once I saw her face so many feelings came rushing back. Fear, anxiousness, anger, hatred. And that's when it hit me. Forgiveness isn't a one time thing. It's a constant walking out. Forgiveness is so hard to do sometimes. Trust me. I have had to forgive so many people in my life, especially my parents. People who have hurt me so badly, it still can bring me to tears when I talk about it. But that is where forgiveness is so GOOD!!!! I can talk about it now, and yes it hurts, but I'm not bitter or cursing those who hurt me. Instead I pray the Lord gives me His heart for them. They are broken, and more importantly need Jesus just as badly as I do everyday. I used to walk around SO angry, SO bitter, such a victim. My life was horrible because of what those people did to me! I was just a child! I mean, should I not blame the adults who let me down? No, I shouldn't. Because I can truly sit here and say today, that God allowed what happened in my life for a reason. He is sovereign and He is GOOD!! So tonight I stared at her face, and prayed that if she doesn't know Jesus yet, that He would reveal Himself to her. That He would heal her heart, heal her brokenness. And again I forgave her. Just like I will need to again.

"Then Peter came up and said to him, 'Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?' Jesus said to him, 'I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.' " Matthew 18:21-22